second chances

I know this is something out of the ordinary. I used to whine and wail before but today I made a decision to stop blaming myself, my childhood , everyone around me  and my husband for everything that did not work out in my life.

I’m going to make affirmations to manifest abundance and attract blessings, peace and joy in the well spring of my being. I must start to forgive me and also ask forgiveness to the one I’ve hurt  before by gesture or words . I’m really sorry , I’m just a delusional fool at that time. I have learned my lessons in life. There are things that are veiled before, things that I don’t understand due to my spiritual fanatic nature. Now I think differently, I acknowledge the value of money its importance in our lives as well as its ability to destroy and build. I learned that it’s the person next to me and everyone that evolves around me that I must treasure because they are far more valuable than money. A lesson from a cancer patient who is content of everything that she has. I have a conversation with Colin and he inspired me greatly about  the story of his daughter.

Trying to make things right, start afresh in my family problem that has been a big issue before, he’ll be coming home soon  after six long years and I have apprehensions like . What to do with having sex for the first time in six years. I’m afraid , how to be intimate again after the trials that we have been through. Trying to iron out our differences  for the sake of our children wrestling with my doubts and fears . I think, I must not give up trying to make things right. Maybe marriage is not all about how much you love each other, Either your compatible or not . Does he makes your heart flutter like a thousand butterflies churning in your gut. It was not like that at first, I guess it’s a marriage of convenience an excuse that I think was the right thing to do at that time. Marriage is about commitment and my children are our arrows that keeps our differences and misunderstanding at bay. They are the ones who help solve our problems , it’s more peaceful now . He tried to change for our relationship to survive, I saw his effort hoping that this time our stories will be filled with love, trust , respect and understanding. He’s  not supportive with my ambitious effort of trying to be a writer which is very daunting but fulfilling. Keeping  everything at a step distance , very  slow  in progress but I’ll try catching up. .

 

 

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2 comments

  1. colinandray · February 27, 2016

    If you haven’t been together for 6 years, then please remember that all the concerns you have about meeting again, are going be a concern for him also. Perhaps start off like a “first date”, and see where your respective comfort levels take it. Perhaps it will not work, but perhaps it will. All you can do is your very best so that, if it does not work out, then you have no regrets. You will have done your very best so could not have done more. My prayers are with you…. and (as always) … keep smiling! )

    Like

  2. Nicodemas · February 28, 2016

    You are being wonderfully positive and yet realistic. Wishing you all the best!

    Like

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