It’s hard to say , sorry

Drowning from the chaos and drama of social media, trying to rethink and evaluate my life through silence. In my hibernation from my mental chaotic frame that was eating my sanity . I have to find space and freedom to meditate and redefine my purpose in life.

It has all rooted from a promise or obligation that I was unable to make. An army or general of sort from who has a mission from Afghanistan wants me to help him, but I don’t have means my internet are bugged and bogged down. I’m not making progress.I can’t move to the next level . I felt really bad for  breaking that promise because I’m in a financial gregarious situation. I have two college students and I don’t have a job to add to  my detrimental sentiments in life. I can’t work  at the moment. I was drowning with emails and I can’t find my way up to the surface  consuming my time and energy deleting what was needed  and not.

I don’t really know what’s going on. I have to attend myself first before anyone else. How can I be of help to anyone when I myself is drowning in despair and depression. I have my own traumatic problems to solve. I am not made of machine not to feel anything what’s going on inside and outside in  my sphere of influence . My incapacity  to provide help really perplexed me and it takes away my will to get out and be ready to face the world pretending that its okay.

Second, I was perplexed finding spams in my akismet stats it was pretty high and finding resolve what to do about it.  I began cleaning my  computer deleting entries since last year of July. I was carrying virus and somebody gets into the backdoor of my computer for some reasons I don’t know. There were financial notifications that I receive money in my spam folder from financial institutions but the funny thing is I don’t receive even a single penny. I lost my money because there was a time that I send my computer to a technician for repair around October last year.

I read an article last night from a facebook friend , saying ” Keep your word , whatever the cost.”

” A  good name is rather to be chosen than great riches , and loving favor rather than silver and gold” ( Proverbs 22:1)

My word is very important to me and using it against me is really annoying. I really feel sorry but there’s nothing I can  do about it . All I can say is say sorry, by  not meeting my obligation. This is it! Penniless, without a name , without connections and being utterly alone in this journey is a hard thing to do. I was groping in the dark searching for the light of day. Money afterall is a primal necessity of life, I learned that money  is not the root  of  all evil but my thoughts are and how I handle money. Money has the power to build and give life  , it also have the power to wield hiatus in this confusing world.

 

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9 comments

  1. colinandray · February 22, 2016

    Your third paragraph says it all so well. If you do not look after yourself, you will be in no condition to look after anybody else! I see nothing wrong in putting myself first occasionally, and if that means putting other obligations on hold, then that it is how it must be. As somebody once said (in the context of doing something that might be unpopular) – If they are friends, they won’t mind. If they mind, they’re not friends. You are the most important person in your life and you must treat yourself accordingly. How else can you possibly help others if you don’t? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • franz · February 27, 2016

      Thank you for your kind words, indeed you’re right . Sometimes, when a promise is broken that reflects in your personality that you are not to be trusted. It is also painful to break words and obligations not just to me but to the one that I give my words. But there are circumstances the culprit why you can’t keep what you promise. I used to think that money is the root of all evil and even made a mistake of hurting a friend. I realize that all blessings comes from God and all we can do is use it wisely. I really feel very sorry for what I’ve done before. I was very wrong.

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      • colinandray · February 27, 2016

        Acknowledging that you did wrong is good. Recognize that none of us (you, me, and all your followers), none of us are perfect. Recognize that God knows and understands that we are not perfect. There is nothing wrong in making mistakes as it simply proves that you are human. We should however learn from our mistakes and try and avoid repeating them. The people who do not make mistakes……. have the biggest problems (because they are delusional)! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • franz · February 27, 2016

        I hope that he understands that I m just human and my views in life at that time is not as i am at this point of my life. I now truly understand the value of money. I’ve learn from my mistakes, I must learn to respect and love people trying to be of good rapport to everyone around me and avoid disagreeable arguments. Money is a treasure in life but the people that evolves around me are more valuable. This is what I learned. the lesson that your daughter taught me today. With that am forever thankful.

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      • colinandray · February 27, 2016

        I sincerely hope that he understands your position also. One final point to stress however, is that we have no control over other people’s thoughts, and we must understand and accept that. The “he” in your past may never understand why you did, what you did, but that must not stop you from moving on with your own life. Take care my friend…. and keep smiling! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • franz · February 27, 2016

        Thank you, I understand. Please send my regards to your admirable daughter.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. inkyfire · February 22, 2016

    money money money … those who says money is not everything are fool in today’s world … I hear many of them say… so many quotes follow up with it … all I realize in this present world is – money is everything and without it you can’t do anything … ! even to walk you need money !

    Liked by 1 person

    • colinandray · February 27, 2016

      I guess I must be a fool based on your perspective. Money is not everything. Money cannot buy long term happiness. Money cannot buy true love. Money cannot buy true friendships. It is important to understand that money IS necessary in our world, but to say that it is everything is very sad. If you spend your life chasing and accumulating money, you may well live in luxury… but, at the end, you will have had a very shallow life. If that makes me a fool, then I am a very happy and contented fool. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • franz · February 27, 2016

      yes, it’s true money is everything but for me my greatest treasure in life are my friends like you. I was reading quotes about money and I read this two opposing principles . The first one in biblical scriptures point out that the love of money is the root of all evil while , George bernard shaw says lack of it is the root of all evil but it was summed up by Carl sandburg ” money is power, freedom, the root of all evil, the sum of all blessings ” . .. That is money but all the blessings in life comes from people, in the end in so much pondering until my head aches of choosing what to heed. This is what I learned, instead of loving money love people the person that evolves within us and without and you’ll realize you are very wealthy indeed. Because the truth they are the source of our money.

      Like

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