Drowning from the chaos and drama of social media, trying to rethink and evaluate my life through silence. In my hibernation from my mental chaotic frame that was eating my sanity . I have to find space and freedom to meditate and redefine my purpose in life.
It has all rooted from a promise or obligation that I was unable to make. An army or general of sort from who has a mission from Afghanistan wants me to help him, but I don’t have means my internet are bugged and bogged down. I’m not making progress.I can’t move to the next level . I felt really bad for breaking that promise because I’m in a financial gregarious situation. I have two college students and I don’t have a job to add to my detrimental sentiments in life. I can’t work at the moment. I was drowning with emails and I can’t find my way up to the surface consuming my time and energy deleting what was needed and not.
I don’t really know what’s going on. I have to attend myself first before anyone else. How can I be of help to anyone when I myself is drowning in despair and depression. I have my own traumatic problems to solve. I am not made of machine not to feel anything what’s going on inside and outside in my sphere of influence . My incapacity to provide help really perplexed me and it takes away my will to get out and be ready to face the world pretending that its okay.
Second, I was perplexed finding spams in my akismet stats it was pretty high and finding resolve what to do about it. I began cleaning my computer deleting entries since last year of July. I was carrying virus and somebody gets into the backdoor of my computer for some reasons I don’t know. There were financial notifications that I receive money in my spam folder from financial institutions but the funny thing is I don’t receive even a single penny. I lost my money because there was a time that I send my computer to a technician for repair around October last year.
I read an article last night from a facebook friend , saying ” Keep your word , whatever the cost.”
” A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches , and loving favor rather than silver and gold” ( Proverbs 22:1)
My word is very important to me and using it against me is really annoying. I really feel sorry but there’s nothing I can do about it . All I can say is say sorry, by not meeting my obligation. This is it! Penniless, without a name , without connections and being utterly alone in this journey is a hard thing to do. I was groping in the dark searching for the light of day. Money afterall is a primal necessity of life, I learned that money is not the root of all evil but my thoughts are and how I handle money. Money has the power to build and give life , it also have the power to wield hiatus in this confusing world.