A LIFE OF PURPOSE?
I asked myself this question, Am I living my personal purpose in life? Am I living the life that I want?
Life has been so simple then, I live life with the flow of where it will lead me, knowing that if I ask the universe for something it was readily granted to me. Yes, my unfailing faith brought great blessings in my life while walking in the grace of God. Letting the spirit guide you and direct your path can lead us to a blissful path of peace and abundant joy.
Surrounded by, God’s divine presence while living a righteous life, many blessings unfold before my eyes , even my greatest fears leave me . I consider it the most wonderful time of my life. I was happy ministering and teaching .
Everyone can see the light in my eyes when I talk and everything around me mirrors my enthusiasm and pure joy within, that burst like brilliant and pure light . Those who gathers around me received abundant blessings Whether its spiritual or emotional even materially. My notion? money could be found everywhere, but relationships must be taken with special care , because life of a person are more valuable than material achievements .
I realized that the more I give the more I receive. I practice tithing, giving your tenth to the Lord as an offering of your faithfulness and obedience. It’s a challenge that God impose on christians ,the measure of love and trust to the Lord . I can guarantee that , God is not lying he is true to his words.
It is in giving that we receive and by blessing others that we are also blessed. Help so that you’ll be helped.
God’s abundance and his many blessings in my life opens up a wellspring of love and joy. Spiritual fruits abound within me . I know that I have gifts of healing and I was glad that there were few ,with whom , received miracle healing. Whenever I prayed for them or lay my hands on them. I remember , I used to wake up at two A.M. just to pray or I’ll wake up with my spirit worshiping God. That was me then ,that was my greatest purpose in life . My life sums to it in general and my real meaning of living.
I was building my faith and relationship with God,my whole life only to crumble in seconds. It cripple me , I was lost and broken inside. When my faith was finally tested there I noticed that I was so weak. I turned against the Lord to save a marriage only to find out that I was losing everything, my faith, my family , my God and myself.
In my confusion, hurts and derision blaming my hubby for whatever transpired between us. ,It’s my vision to live a life in God’s ministry and leading my children to the right path . I fear their future, I don’t want them to live a delinquent life . It was my wish to lead their life in the right direction but my simple view in life did not co relate with the man I married.
So, grievances arise and we are fighting for some trivial matter, being frustrated and annoyed by his monstrous cruelty and nonchalance. He’s like a manipulative man who has an auto pilot mentality , he deliberately think that all I did was wrong. He did not listen to my concerns because what he always thought of is that I’m always on the wrong and he was right. I felt threatened , bruise and bleeding from mental and psychological abuse.
I was depresses and bipolar for almost two years. One day. I bought a book about depression and I found out that outrageously , I suffer from chronic depression.
The symptoms were there … every little thing . I do a quiz online and I found out that I’m on the very high or very risky stage, scoring between 45/ 65 ; the average score was 19 .
When I learned to acknowledge my sickness where it started and what are the causes. The trauma or childhood hurts and deprivation brought all this and this wrecking mental abuse that I suffered greatly .
Crying on the bathroom floor pouring my heart out and assessing my pain , it was then my depression recedes. I slowly heal and writing has been a therapy. You might not see them posted but I write a great deal there was a time that I can fill a hundred pages of my notebook in a few hours. Writing helps me heal my inner mental turmoil.
Writing is like sharing and receiving. When we confess our sins then, we are forgiven when we share our hearts to others , then we receive love. When you share the burden that you’re carrying for so long, it will lighten.
I’ll put it like this our pain anger and hatred are like sack of potatoes that we are carrying on our shoulders wherever you go. Carrying this burden day after day is not very comfortable right and the sack that we are carrying though it weight the same .,It becomes heavier each new day .
You can feel this pain in your heart , like there’s a piece of knife stuck inside your heart unconsciously ,we are bleeding and burdened inside us is very heavy to bear . We may try to put it at the back of our mind yet, the pain was still there. We will notice that as the years wore off , months are counting up. The sack of potatoes that we are carrying everywhere become stinky and putrid.
These are the underlying threat of losing something we really love to do. It is very painful , but life has to go on. We have a saying that says;
If a door closes open the window. You can’t sleep your anger and anguish forever. It’s like something or someone whom we love died , we have to grieve and spend many months mourning about our losses . But, we also have responsibilities that needs attention and undying support; specially my kids.
Coming up with a new interest or hobby helps us deal with this depressive state like,I came up with WordPress love it and make love with words , let my mind wander , visualizing creative ideas. that really helps. I found another haven and a purpose of life with the same passion as the first.
That failure gives me numerous lessons in life , Fighting for what you love especially if its your life’s purpose once you lost it. YOUR LOST.