to forgive or forget

Asking herself, ” how can I forgive him?” . A question that she asked herself over and over. After all, the abuse and painful memories that he inflicted on her , contemplating over their issues in her mind to weight things up, after all she wants to make the children happy and comfortable. But, what about her feelings? does it matter?

She knew that she needs time for herself to resolve her issues the hurt that she’s harboring inside is too great. Letting go of the pain is not an easy task she’s been living that issue for a very long time yet, the pain gets worse every time she saw a glimpse of him.

Not a while ago, they meet in a  restaurant from a nearby city mall where she usually frequent  with her kids. From a distance, she saw him walking languidly towards her. Remembering how good he always look with his tight jeans and polo shirt , recollecting her feelings for him way back then, how her heart would jump from her rib cage with just a sight of him. Now, touching her chest wanting to assure herself of the feelings she had for him at the moment. Trying to grasp that want and affection she held for him but, to her dismay the  feeling of animosity and dread is present now. Wondering how things have change. Wondering where have all the feelings gone along with the happy memories they have in the past with a sigh she compose herself not letting him see even a slight feeling of regret on her part. She want him to see her at her best self . She have started doing morning workouts and jogging for this past few months . Looking at her reflection before she went out from the house , she’s happy of what she saw all the ungainly bulges was gone what remains is her very shapely hourglass figure.

A year ago, he left her for other woman all those lies and cheating that he did over the course of their married life. Though, he still provided for them but she’s wondering what leads them to this awful situation. The children though they are silent nor they brought out the issue of their separation she felt the impact of  their loneliness  and withdrawal but there’s nothing she can do to make things right.They’ve seen it before their very eyes how he lift his hand to hurt her badly in the past leaving her bruise, broken and mangled while, lying  half dead on the floor.

Deep in her heart, she wants a perfect happy family remembering the times both of them build their  dreams and are very happy about it. Now, all those hopes and dreams turns into ashes ,there’s nothing she can grab on now but the bleak reality that the love she carried in her heart for him for ten years are gone it’s a forgotten memory . What remains in her heart is the pain of his blatant abuse now, there’s no turning back. She can forgive but she cannot forget.Everything is clear and simple she must move on with her life without him. For the kids they remain friends .

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2 comments

  1. colinandray · July 5, 2015

    The last two sentences will be salvation if achieved.

    Liked by 1 person

    • franz · July 6, 2015

      It’s a story of a best friend of mine she lives near our home a distant relative of my hubby. I’ve been thinking hahaha but reality is very disheartening and it’s also a reflection of my situation in an odd way.

      Like

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