It’s going to be serenity to sorrow sort of thing a cyclical battle within. Hey! what’s happening?dealing with my inner demons that has been lurking in the dark shadows of my mind hiding there inert for such a very long time . Now, it’s gonna be a hard and tough job shoveling things that once was buried at the back of my mind. Why the changes too many questions right?
The answer is, I recall want to know myself and what are the reasons of my fears and failures, to rebalance my life, a deeper knowledge and understanding of myself so that I can understand others more. To banish the doubts of my well-being and gain confidence and self-esteem.
I’m someone who shows out late doesn’t bother about time and meetings things like that too well absorb of my world. I think , I learn to love my present state of isolation which is very wrong. I must contact my family more often as possible to be close to them but my unhealthy marital condition prevents me from doing so. I realized my unhappiness of my present situation makes me wanna hide and be silent. I don’t want my family to know what’s going on with me thinking that they don’t really care. I try to battle my bottled emotions inside me with no one else to turn to but myself and my GOd, also my books.
I’ve been with a group of people before and I saw how to deal with other’s with cheerfulness, enthusiasm, with pure energy and leadership. This will help in shedding light with the issue of my personality in dealing with my introverted and extroverted world . In addition, dealing with my conscious and subconscious self on my personal perceptions for my wish to change the self actualization in conquering my present pathetic beaten self to a better person. To become a woman of value and able to rise above problems of everyday living and financial freedom.
I love writing in reference to the lighter side and forever dreaming about love , illusions and fantasies . I miss blogging those stuff it makes me smile but reality is here and now. Whether we like it or not the truth hurts a lot. But, sometimes we have to face reality to heal those past traumas that holding me captive for over many years of existence on earth.
We can’t self medicate we always need the expert and I am the victim of life’s blows and all those painful blows left an imprint tattooed on my skin. I think I was left naked in the cold winter’s night all black and blue but I’m here standing alone in the cold night winter air boldly. Without anything to cover me from the harsh freezing cold night air …..I’m going to die soon. All of me buried under 6 feet to emerge a new person after all this ordeal , I know life will be better and I’m going to have understanding of my humanity in general. Looking up for loopholes of my the past failures in life studying about my life’s history is what will bring me to a brighter future that I truly hoped for .For life’s radical change. It’s very hard dealing with staggering slow internet connection that’s going on and off. I can’t post and it seems I have to wait a lifetime being lost in the swirl of this virtual world.