I don’t have a happy childhood in fact my traumatic childhood experience brought great pain in my heart a stigma until now I’m not able to talk about. I’m deprived of love ;loveless without a parent to hug and cherish or talk with when I’m in need that talking about it brought tears and pain in my heart . I’m a product of a broken family and that time it’s not very common in my place. A woman must suffer to keep the family ties, having a beautiful, sexy,sensual and attractive mother who is 10 years younger than my father brought the reason of it all.
No one was with me in the trying times of my life I live like a ball continue rolling from one place to the other I have rather a very accommodating personality that impress everyone I meet.Wherever i go I’m happily accepted but of course many relatives of mine acted rather harsh towards me. I’m thankful though because of God’s protection wherever I go. That events of the past makes me painfully shy, too reserve ,too nice and i have a very low self-esteem the mere reason of my failures in life.
I am a deeply religious and spiritual person trying to find answers to my endless question so I read a lot about psychology and how to heal but until now I can’t still accept it. In my childhood days I sought out the company of older women talking with them is like being with my mother.
Having a close relationship with God and reading the manuscripts of life among many other self-help books that I could grab. I’ve always been a wide reader and it helps me cope up with the pain of being a lone.But some pains we can’t ever let go a new life experience will trigger that trauma once again and now we are back in a state of mental disorder and I don’t like it.
God’s healing brought inexplicable joy in my life being in an enlightened and transcended state seeing everything before your eyes that were able to understand that hardships pain and sufferings is natural in this cruel world .I learn to loosen a bit. I give my heart and my future to the Lord and I think I was already healed but my situation now leads me again to my traumatic childhood experience. god knows how I tried to battle out my fears but it always bring me back to square one.I wish I can tell you in details all my sufferings but it’s too much to bear.I just can’t tell you now because the pain is still clear. Maybe, soon I can tell you when I’m already healed fully and completely.